The GirlAlive Blog

I have kind of a history of bizarre dreams.  Most of the time, they're notable for the weird celebrity cameos.  (Robert Carlysle and Ed Mc Mahon on a bus.  Jon Stewart feeding cherry tomatoes to orangutans while Carol Channing sings "Henry the Eighth".  And a remote beach house occupied by Dick Cheyney and Mister Rodgers.)  But the one I had the other night had no celebrities.  Yet it ranks as one of my weirdest ever.

I was pulled in off the street into a dusty old building that looked condemned or at least long abandoned.  I was told that they needed more audience members for a pilot for a new game show that they were shooting inside.  I got inside and the set for the game show looked a lot like a university lecture hall.  There were two podiums at the front.  People from the audience were called up to the front and they had to fart in front of the contestants at the podiums and the contestants had to smell their farts and guess what they had been eating.

Even in the dream, I was thinking, "This is so stupid that not even Fox would buy this show."  But at the same time I was worried that they would call me out of the audience to go up and fart.  I kept wondering, "How am I supposed to fart on cue?"  In the end, I wasn't called up.  The producer decided that they had enough footage to try to sell the show.  I was thinking, "Sitting here in the audience was deadly boring.  This'll be just painfully dull to watch on tv."  Then I left and shortly thereafter, I woke up.

So yeah.  I had a dream about competitive fart sniffing.  That's right up there on the bizarre list with Jon Stewart and the orangutans.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 08:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay, so first of all, my eyes are maybe starting to get better.  My optometrist gave me some new eye drops and I might be able to see by the end of the week.

As a warning, the story in the rest of this post contains adult themes and mild descriptions involving my sex life.  If you are a child or my mom or whatever, you might want to go find something else to read.

So my husband and I were chilling out and talking in bed.  We were talking first about ManBearPig on South Park.  Cause I think that episode is cool.  He said, "Didn't ManBearPig have some celebrity for a leg?" and I told him that that was another South Park monster (later I looked it up and it is Scuzzlebutt), but I couldn't remember what celebrity it was.

So we talked a bit more about stuff and things, as we tend to do.  Then we started "fooling around" a little, and I grabbed a handful of certain boy parts and said, "I found something squishy," to which my husband replied, "Patrick Duffy!" 

My first thought was, "When did you name your genitals Patrick Duffy?"  Then I just started laughing uncontrollably.  He explained that that's who the leg was on South Park, but by then it was too late.  "So," I asked, "When I grab your nuts, you think of Patrick Duffy?"  

So I guess now whether he likes it or not, my husbands genitals are named Patrick Duffy. 

Yes, I am well aware that we are not normal.

Alana

 P.S. I opened comments to be printed right away.  So if your comment doesn't appear within the first few minutes, it might have been filed as junk.  I seem to be getting about 1500 spam comments a week.

Posted by Alana at 06:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Okay, so I was on YouTube, checking out some of the stand-up comics there, and I started thinking about comedians in general, and I remembered an old acquaintence named Daren Streblow who is a comedian, so I decided to look him up.  He has a web site at http://www.darenstreblow.com/.

While reading through the blog on the site, I came across the funniest thing I've read in a long time.  It said:

"A spoon full of sugar will help the medicine go down” only if it’s not a pill. Sugar used in this context will only produce an explosive cough, a hazy sugar-cloud, and a pill lodged in the sheet rock.

I don't know exactly why, but this made me laugh out loud quite literally.  I totally remember why he is one of my favorite comedians.

Alana

p.s. Niece and nephew are doing well and probably going home very soon.  Hooray! 

Posted by Alana at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)