The GirlAlive Blog

I can't update my blog or check my email from work. They have not
given me internet access, which I guess is okay because some people who
download porn at work and spend all day on ebay screw it up for everyone.
So I'm writing this blog as an email to myself, which I will post when
I get home. (It's my lunch hour. I'm not breaking rules.)

I woke up at 5:30 this morning because we took the blanket that has
been hanging over the bedroom window down. It was there because it was
too sunny to sleep when I was not working. Now that I am working, the
darkness was making it hard to get up in the morning. But I'm not used
to so much light, so I woke up at 5:30. So did my husband.

At that time of the morning, I didn't feel like making myself a lunch.
So I bought my lunch from the shop in the hospital. I had a sandwich.
In the UK, that's a huge decision, choosing a sandwich. In the US,
you'll get a selection of highly questionable and overly moist sandwiches
that were very likely packed during the Nixon administration. They
tend to be things like "peanut butter and jelly", "ham and cheese" and
"the substance formerly known as egg salad". They should not be taken
internally, in the US. Here in the UK, packaged sandwiches are actually
quite good. They have bizarre but tasty combinations like "tuna and
sweetcorn" and the one I just had "brie and bacon". I should have gone
for the healthier "tuna and cucumber", but the bacon was just so tasty.

I have to get back to work. These charts won't code themselves, I
guess.

Alana

Posted by Alana at 07:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm starting to get used to the new job.  Today I even got to do some actual coding.  And I also eventually got my ID.  I'm still fighting to get things done.  I was supposed to have a workstation assessment because of the previous problems with my arms.  It hasn't happened.  I need a new chair, but that won't happen until occupation health does the assessment and demand it.

Aside from all the beurocratic crap, it's going well.  My co-workers are very nice.  Some have worked in health records for as much as 20 years.  I'm the young one in the office, which is nice in light of the fact that I will be 30 by the end of the year.  There's one girl who works in patient intake who looks like she can't be more than 12.  I'm getting old.

The worst thing about my job right now is that I have a tendency to get words stuck in my head, the way other people get songs stuck in their heads.  Yesterday, the word stuck in my head was "meconium" which is the medical term for a baby's first crap.  (I deal with maternity charts, so it comes up a lot.  More than I really care to think about...)  Today I have the word "protenuria" stuck in my head.  And I'm pretty sure that even in my head it's spelled wrong.  

It's not good to do the maternity charts when I haven't had any kids.  I didn't really need to know the extent of things that can split, lacerate, rupture and explode in my pelvic region if I choose to have any children.  I also didn't need to know that "aspiration of meconium" was a very common delivery complication.  In fact, I never really wanted to know anything about meconium.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 07:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I really don't feel like going back to work tomorrow.

I still don't have a desk.  I have a place to sit for 2 weeks while someone is on vacation, but my boss is just kind of hoping the pregnant girl will go into labor soon so I'll have a place to sit for a few months.  On friday afternoon, I got a computer password, but I still don't have access to all the software I need to do my job, so I still spent the whole afternoon bored out of my mind.  After promising "I'll stop by tomorrow to get you your ID card," 2 days in a row, I still don't have it.  I get to be interrogated every time I go into the office, and I can't get employee discounts in the cafeteria.

Really, I'd like to say something positive about my job, but I haven't really found much to love yet.  Some of the people in the office seem really nice.  Mostly they just seem busy.  

I've had a headache since Wednesday afternoon.  I'd rather stay home and sleep.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After waiting over 2 months since I was accepted for this job, I was looking forward to today, expecting that someone would sit me at a desk, show me my login and password, and start showing me how to do my job.  Instead, I got, "Oh, so you are starting today.  We don't have a desk for you, but V----- should be going off on maternity leave soon.  In the meantime A---- isn't in today so you can sit at her desk while you copy the handwritten notes from her book into this book."

I don't have a desk.  I don't have a computer.  I'm still not doing the job I was hired for.  They have known I was going to be working there for over 2 months.  I could understand them not being prepared if I was starting soon after the interview process.  But it's been 2 months.  

My supervisor is off tomorrow, and I have maybe 2 hours more work to do on the copying a big book thing.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do for the other 5 1/2 hours tomorrow.  They made a big deal about being desperate for me to start as soon as possible, and once I get there, there's nowhere for me to sit and nothing for me to do.  I don't like working.  I want to stay home and sleep instead.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 08:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today was my first day at the new job.  Well, I'm totally not doing my real job yet.  It was induction.  It was a lot like the induction/training/propaganda/brainwashing that I had at my last job.  In fact, they even use the exact same online training software.  Today I got to hear about the structure of the organization (yawn) and confidentiality (which I've heard at least 3 times before) and good patient care (which doesn't apply to me so much since I work with paper).  I also did online training courses on fire safety and how to lift heavy things.  I get more fire safety tomorrow, and more lifting of heavy things on wednesday.

At least this induction is only 2 1/2 days, and not 6 weeks like at my last job.  And there was free coffee and cookies which was nice.  Plus, meeting people is easy because I'm American so that's always a good conversation starter.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 07:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week I had my first experience with The Eurovision Song Contest, which I have heard references to since arriving here in Scotland.  It is a contest where all the countries of Europe enter a song into the contest and they perform and people vote on it.  In theory, the best song wins.

In actual practice, it seems quite different.  First of all, one of the competing countries is Israel.  Since when is Israel part of Europe?  Israel isn't even Europe-adjacent like Turkey.  Second, each country isn't allowed to vote for themselves, so they all vote for their neighboring countries.  Especially Eastern Europe.  All the former communist states vote for each other, and they out-number the non-former-communist countries, so they always get more votes.

The song that won was crap.  The song won because the whole band was dressed like extras from Lord of the Rings, but in actual reality, they were just a really cheesy pop version of a Kiss tribute band.   But the fact that a sucky song won is no surprise, since most of the songs sucked.  (Ireland wasn't too bad, but it wasn't the best music I've heard from Ireland by far.)

My husband was telling me that the winner of the song contest's country has to host it next year, and it is expensive and kind of a bad deal as a prize.  So here's what I think it really is: no one wants to host the contest, so they all purposely enter the worst song they can find so that they don't have to host it.  The winner is actually the country that most clearly succeeds in finding a song that sucks so bad that they know they won't have to fork out millions to host the thing the following year.  So Finland, with their Kiss tribute band really only succeeded in having the suckiest national song that failed to suck more than the others.  The real winner was Malta, with only one point.

Good for you, Malta.

Alana

www.girlalive.com 

Posted by Alana at 11:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm finally starting work on Monday.  I have been on the phone with HR since yesterday and it was looking like I might have to wait another week because everyone who needed to be contacted to give me permission to work was on vacation until Monday.  But Susanne got ahold of someone finally, and so I'm starting on Monday morning in the hospital where they hold the new employee inductions.

Finally I have a job and eventually a paycheck.  I'm still a little frustrated that it's been over 2 months since I was hired and I'm just starting now.  In the US, I'd be tired of my job by now.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This morning I had my occupational health visit.    It was a big waste of time, and it was really early in the morning.  Hopefully I can now start work next week or the week after (depending on how fast they get their report to HR).

On the way home from the appointment, I was tired of sitting on the bus, so I got off on Princes Street and did some shopping at Book World.  I got a book about dog breeds that I wanted.  Basset hounds are my favorite.

Then there was the long ride from Princes Street to Penicuik.  By the time I got into town I was again tired of sitting on the bus, and also hungry because I hadn't eaten anything since a peanut butter sandwich at 7 this morning.  So I got off at the grocery store and bought some food, then I walked the rest of the way home.

Now I've eaten my lunch (scotch eggs and raspberry soda) and I've had a bath.  I'm feeling much better than I did when I got up this morning.

By the way, if any of you don't play Kingdom of Loathing, you totally should.  My husband and I have been playing for a few months.  My player name there is orangelazarus and my husband is gaspode, the head of our clan, The Good Ship Serenity.  Yes, it is a Pete and Pete reference, married to a Terry Pratchett reference, together in a clan that is a Firefly reference.  Anyway, I am a Pastamancer with one acension under my belt, and gaspode is a Sauceror with 2 ascensions.  I just finished my post-ascension ronin period and I'm totally jazzed about having all my stuff back. 

Alana

www.girlalive.com 

Posted by Alana at 01:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So my guinea pig Homer has developed the nickname "Princess" for various reasons.  (Yes, Homer is a boy, but he's still a little princess.)

First of all, I've never seen a guinea pig that is such a picky eater.  He'll eat cucumbers, but not the squishy part in the middle with the seeds.  He won't touch any fruit.  He'll only eat the center part of carrots.  And he gets mad if we feed him his veggies in the wrong order.

In the morning when I give the guinea pigs their food pellets, Spike is all over the cage, jumping and squeaking for joy.  Guinea pigs do this thing called "popcorning" when they're happy.  Basically, they jump straight up in the air.  So while Spike is popcorning and running around, Homer will be frozen in the corner, trying his hardest not to popcorn.  Eventually, he hops in the air.  Immediately after, he shakes his head, as if to say, "That was undignified."

When we hold Homer, he will basically just sit there and let us pet him and play with him however we want, until he's had enough, and then he grabs a mouthful of our shirt and yanks for all he's worth until we put him back in the cage.

Homer is the most demanding and grumpy little rodent I've ever had, but I like him.  He's snobby and grouchy, but he's also adorable and can be very sweet.

Alana

www.girlalive.com 

Posted by Alana at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm bored.

Sitting around the house waiting for my job to start has sucked.  I've been spending far too much time with my rodents.  The guinea pigs are still a little freaked about the presence of Binky.  They're not sure what the little interloper is up to, but he's too quiet and he smells weird.  (He's blissfully quiet since I oiled his wheel.)

I've posted some of the guinea pig and hamster pictures on my Flickr page:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/girlalive/

I can't believe how stupid some people are.  I've gotten 2 pieces of hate mail from people who I would guess are around 13 or 14 years old, basically saying, "If you hate so much stuff in Scotland why don't you go back where you came from?"  First of all, I'm here because of my husband, not because of any other person in this country.  Second, since when does hatred of thick beurocracy and hatred of Marmite equate to hating everything here?  I'm not allowed to talk about it if anything here is annoying or disgusting?  Basically, because of the recent mail, my main complaint about Scotland isn't the food (which I've always mostly liked anyway) or the government beurocracy.  I mostly just hate the stupid people who write crap like this.  If you don't like a web site, don't read it.  I guess that's a concept just to far above the mind of a whiny teenager.

If any of you know a girl named Lindsay Moore (email address ftt1960@yahoo.com), she's a total bitch.  She decided that since I don't like Marmite, I must hate Scotland and that I "poke fun at all things Scottish".  In America, we have a thing called a "sense of humor".  We use it to deal with stressful situations like moving to a new continent.  She also took the opportunity to insult me about my weight (such a 13-year-old move) and basically chose to be offended by everything about me.  So if anyone should happen to know her, please feel free to punch her in the crotch for me.

Oh, yeah, that's the punishment for stupidity that my husband and I came up with.  Any time someone is profoundly stupid, they should get a swift punch to the crotch.  Once or twice in a lifetime, you'll be fine.  But the chronically stupid like Lindsay would soon be rendered unable to reproduce by the constant swift punches to the reproductive organs.  Who is with me on this?

Alana

www.girlalive.com 

Posted by Alana at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have finally taken a few pictures of Binky.  Last night (sadly when the camera was out of reach) Binky climbed the treat stick and was stuffing his cheek pouches with anything he could get off of it.  So he had a head three times its normal size and was clinging tenaciously to the treat stick.  Very cute.

So that is our new adorable little hamster Binky. He's justa cute little furry ball of adorable poses.  I never thought I'd like hamsters because I'm totally a guinea pig kind of girl, but he is extremely cute and friendly.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 12:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

First off, I didn't get an account opened.  They have complicated and convoluted rules to prevent money laundering and to prevent people on spouse visas from being able to get a bank account.  Because you know that it's the drug dealers and the housewives that are all about the money laundering.  *sigh* More British red tape.

Then we didn't get Chinese food because we got there a few minutes past the lunch rates, and it would have cost a ton.  So we went for Thai food instead, which was good.

The only thing that did go according to plan was buying a hamster.  We got a little boy hamster who is cream and white colored.  We named him Binky (after Death's horse in the Discworld novels).  Ever since we brought Binky home, Homer and Spike (our guinea pigs) have been jumpy and kind of freaking out.  They can smell a new animal in the house, and they aren't sure if it's something that is going to eat them or not.  I'm hoping they'll get over it soon.

I'll post some pictures of Binky later, but for the moment we're letting him sleep and chill out because he had kind of a hard day yesterday.  Hamsters do not like riding on the bus.

Alana 

Posted by Alana at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I actually have things to do today.  That's unusual.  I usually sit at home and screw around on the internet all day, or watch crappy daytime tv.  But not today.

This afternoon I have an appointment to go and get myself a bank account.  Yay!  I'll finally officially exist in this country.  You can't do much of anything without a bank account.  So I'm going to the bank to get hooked up with a sweet account number.

Then after that my husband and I are going to a Chinese buffet.  It's cheap on thursday nights. 

Then after the Chinese food, we have to stop at the pet store to get parasite drops for Spike and Homer.  Here's how the conversation kind of went yesterday:

Me: How late is Pets at Home open?  Spike has that flakiness on his leg.  I think he still has mites, and the spray isn't doing anything.

Husband: I'm not sure how late they're open.

Me: As long as we're there, they have hamster cages on sale right now.  I saw that if you buy a cage you can get a starter kit, a ball, and a treat for free.  Maybe we could get that while it's on sale and then get a hamster later.

(Husband had told me that I could have a hamster in a couple months after I start work.)

Husband: If we're going to get a hamster cage, we might as well save ourselves a trip and get the hamster too.

Then we went on the internet and saw that Pets At Home is open until 8:00, which is plenty of time for us to buy a hamster.  Yay!  Hamster!

Alana

www.girlalive.com

Posted by Alana at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is an email message I just got from my husband:

One of the British national daily newspapers is asking readers "what
It means to be British?". Some of the emails are hilarious but this is One
from a chap in Switzerland ...
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows
on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything
foreign."

Given some of the obnoxious comments I've deleted from this blog lately, that sounds about right.

I got a message from my brother the other day that he has a business trip to England, and he's going to try to come to Scotland for a visit for a couple days.  I've told him that he can stay at our house, and the usual fee for Americans staying with us is a jar of Jif peanut butter and a big handful of Kool-Aid packets.

I'm also considering buying a hamster.  I've never had one, but they seem very cute.

Alana

Posted by Alana at 02:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)