How to Mummify Yourself
Originally published on diaryland 12:20 p.m. - 2005-02-24
It is cold outside. You would think that I wouldn't care by now because it has been cold for as long as I've lived here. But I still hate it. More than the cold, I hate the dryness. I feel like every mucus membrane in my body has become mummified. There's a crunchy noise when I blink.
When I was growing up here I always had a stuffy or runny nose and I always had horrible red bumps all over my face. All of that went away when I moved to Seattle. It turns out that I don't have seasonal allergies. It's just that humans aren't meant to live in a frozen desert tundra. And I didn't have acne. I have eczema caused by dry air.
I feel like the guy in "Big Fish". You know, how he always was swimming or in the bathtub because he said he was starting to "dry out". I envy fish.
Anyway, I've decided that northern Minnesota isn't a fit habitat for humans. This is a good place to visit if you have a corpse laying around that you need to mummify. Other than that, there is no good reason to live here.
I think I'll start counting the days until I can leave.
Alana
www.girlalive.com
